theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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