who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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