Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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