I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We are all done wearing pants today
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize