i just sold back the books i vomitted on
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
