Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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