Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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