SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
