It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
