Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
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