yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Randomize
