I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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