i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
not ubering you a puppy
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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