I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
