Already got asked if we're dating
i need an iv and a liver transplant
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
