so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
