This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
