Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
