can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
