just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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