I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
