dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
