You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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