"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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