Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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