New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
