Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
