If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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