it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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