I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
