U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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