i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
