I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
handjob tips. give me some.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
