Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
