Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need water and some morals
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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