My cat gives me a boner
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize