I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
