I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
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