A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
