theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
