She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
