wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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