I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
