are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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