i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
well you can't waste a boner
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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