oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
