I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
