Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
