Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
