He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
