So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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