I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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