When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
