I am in a vortex of obligation.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
