If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Randomize
