yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
