he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
