Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
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