I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
