the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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