My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
