I think i peed on brittanys purse
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
