Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
