remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
