apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize