I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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